If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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