I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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