my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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