Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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