I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
