I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
