woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
