So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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