There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
