Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
