I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
