She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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