You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
