His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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