I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
worst night to have a conscience
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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