now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I understand Curling. That high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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