hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
