i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
