Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
