Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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