I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
