My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
