I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
