Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
