How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
