Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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