Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
