you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
