i think my tv is drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
