You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
