Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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