it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
