yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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