It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
