Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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