last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
