Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
