sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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