I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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