I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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