And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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