So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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