My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
