Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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