on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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