I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
