fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
