Sry I called you an 8
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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