It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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