I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
