no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
