Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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