Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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