i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
