Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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