Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
