Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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