I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
